A guy walks into a bar and sees a man sitting at the end with the smallest head he's ever seen. In fact, it is only about two inches high. So, he sits down next to him and asks, "How is that you have such a small head?"
The man replies, "Well you see, I was stranded on a deserted island and was combing the beach, when I came across an ornate bottle. When I opened it to see what was inside, a beautiful genie appeared and told me that I would be granted three wishes.
My first wish was for a luxurious boat to take me home."
The man continues, "A large yacht appeared just off shore. Then for my second wish, I asked to be wealthy, so I would want for nothing when I got home."
man goes on, "After a large pile of gold coins appeared on the deck
of the yacht, I asked to make passionate love to the genie for my third
wish. The genie told me that she could not do that, so I asked, 'How about
a little head?'"
So, this guy, Bill is sitting at the bar and pulls out this tiny little piano and a little guy about a foot tall. The little guy sits down and starts playing the piano quite beautifully. The fellow on the next bar stool, Joe says "That's amazing. Where did you get him?" Bill says" well I've got this lamp with a genie." So the other fellow says that's great! could I use it?" Bill says "sure " and hands him the lamp. Joe rubs the lamp and out comes the genie. He says" I want a million bucks".
Suddenly the room is entirely filled with quacking ducks! Joe exclaims "Hey! I asked for I million BUCKS! not DUCKS!" Bill explained "Yes, the genie is a bit deaf. You don't think I really asked for a twelve inch pianist do you?
An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls is out of the sand, and discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Chasidic rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!"
"What do you have to lose? It looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The Arab thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."
The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish I were white and surrounded by beautiful women."
The Arab is turned into a tampon.
moral of the story is: If you do business with a Jewish genie, there's
going to be a string attached.
Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up..........suddenly a
female genie appears from the bottle....
Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on
the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one." The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?"
genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two
lanes or four?"
guys were walking in the desert, and they found a genie. The genie told
them that he will grant a wish to each one of them.
An Aboriginal was walking along the beach when he found a bottle. He thought that he might be able to sell it and make some money so he started cleaning it up, rubbing it with his sleeve.
All of a sudden a genie popped out and said, "I will grant you three wishes, but wish carefully."
So the Aboriginal says, "I would love to be white!"
POOF!! He becomes white!
"For my second wish, I would love to be rich."
POOF!! He becomes rich, and is dressed in designer clothes and has a nice car.
"Okay" says the genie, "what is your third wish?"
"Hmm" says the Aboriginal, "this is something I have always wanted. I never want to have to work again!"
"Okay." says the genie.
POOF!! He is turned
into an Aboriginal!
gays go to a flea market and buy an oil lamp they both liked. When they
returned home, one of them decided to shine it up. He rubbed it a couple
of times and out came a genie.
guys were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had
no matches, he asked Ole for a light. "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a
lighter," he replied, reached into his tackle box, and pulled out
a BIC lighter 10 inches long.
Irving was walking along the shore in Miami Beach when he spotted a lamp. He hurried to pick it up and ran behind his beach umbrella.
He decided to see if it was a magical lamp so he began rubbing it. Irving was happy to see a cloud of smoke and the appearance of a genie. "Oh thank you master for allowing me to escape from the lamp. For that, I will grant you one wish."
Irving thought about it for a few minutes, then turned to the genie and said, "All I want in life is to have the friendship and love of my brother once again. You see, several years ago, we got into a fight and haven't spoken to one another in years."
The genie was amazed, saying to Irving, "That is the most unselfish wish I have ever been asked to grant. Most people ask for money, big houses, fancy cars, or beautiful women. But your wish is so meager, so simple...I will gladly grant you your wish." With that, the genie folder his arms, nodded his head, and 'POOF!' a cloud of smoke appeared. "Your wish has been granted, master," the genie said.
the genie asked Irving why he didn't wish for money. "Money?"
Irving replied, "Shit, my brother owns half the real estate in Beverly
Hills. The doctors only give him two weeks to live--I stand to inherit
it from his estate!"
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes . . . Bear, you go first."
The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay!"
Two Arabs are in a locker room taking a shower after their racquetball game when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt. "If you do not mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?"
"I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It is permanently stuck in my butt."
"I do not understand," said the other.
The first Arab says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag attire with a white beard and top hat came oozing out. He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."