Stupid Stickup Stories

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In a Very Big Hurry
Lemon Juice Invisibility Trick
No Way to hold up a Restaurant
Robbery by Phone
Another Stupid Stickup Story
Nobody Move!
Robbing a Burger King in Ypsilanti
Big Mac Rules Foil Aussie Holdup
Bank Robber Leaves Business Card
Gas Station Robbers Run Out of Gas 
Carjacking Foiled by Stick-Shift 
Robber Leaves More Than He Takes 
A Smattering of Stupid Stickups 
Robber Shoots Himself in the End 
Guns Work Better With the Correct Ammo 
Drinking and Bank Robbery Don't Mix 
Coffee Break Trips Up Mobile Phone Store Robbers 
Handicapped Parking Zone A Bad Idea 
Gimme The Money or I'll... Hit You With This Ravioli 
Underpants Disguise Inadequate to Protect Fool 
Robber Calls Police on Himself - On Purpose 
Reporting the Shotgun Stolen Was His Mistake 
Bank Robber Rats Himself Out on Stage 
Never Hold up a Bank Where You Just Opened an Account 
Robbers Thwarted by 76-Year-Old Vet 
Holding Up a Bank for His Own Money 
A Bank Robbing Spree Will Cheer You Up 
Man Robs His Own Bank
Bank Robber is Locked in Vault
2nd Time is No More Successful Than First
Bank Robber Asks for Funds Transfer
A Very Painful Holdup
Plumber's Van Gives Him Away
It'
s a Banana and I'm Not Afraid to Use It
Half-Pint Robber
Getaway Plan Fails When Car Won't Start
Handgun Definition Misinterpreted
Blind Stick-Up Foiled by Cops

You call this a Robbery?
The Worst Hold-up Note
Accused Bank Robber Drops Name
Dunkin' Donuts Robbery
And More Stupid Stickups
Never Throw a Brick into a Plexi-glass Window
British Thieves Bungle Robbery
Ogden Thieves Steal ATM
Thief Leaves With Underwear Instead of Cash 
He Should've Used Duct Tape 
41-Year-Old Mother Holds Up Bank with an Axe 
In Too Much of a Hurry to Read the Sign 
I'll Take All Your Cash and a Whopper With Cheese 
Robber Exchanges Hostage for a Sandwich 
Bank Robber Captured in Tanning Bed 
Chalupa Thief Attacks Cops 
British Bank Robber Leaves 'em in Stitches 
Holding Up a Bank for... A Big Mac and Cigarettes 
Robbers Get Away With Empty Cash Box 
Remember: Don't Hold Up Your Own Bank 
Convenience Store Robbery Foiled by Clerk 
Hiding in Plain View Doesn't Always Work 
Wait... You've Got My Description Wrong 
Robbers Leave After Being Completely Ignored 
Write Legibly 
He Should Have Stayed With Plumbing 
30 Minutes Too Long to Wait for Pizza 
Employing the 'Evil Twin' Excuse Fails
Robber Busted Retrieving Car Keys
Not the Cab Ride They Had in Mind
Dog Poop Trips Up Bank Robber
Burlap Bandit Bagged
Finger-Lickin' Stupid
A Bad Place to Stash the Cash
Using a Taxi as a Getaway Car
Naked Burglar Busted
Tired Feet Trip Up Bank Robber
Always Wear the Right Mask

 


In a Very Big Hurry

It seems that Robert Bowling, Jr., 17, was attempting to break into a local pizzeria chain. His body was found at Cassano's Pizza and Subs by a maintenance worker checking a faulty oven. Apparently Mr. Bowling slid down the exhaust pipe of the oven, head first with his hands over his head, and got stuck. The pipe was 18 inches in diameter. He died from asphyxiation.
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You call this a Robbery?

[AP, St. Louis] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.
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The Worst Hold-up Note

"This is a robb. Plouas put outut teller. No one will git hurt. Thank," read the note handed to a teller at the Washington Mutual Bank. When she couldn't decipher it, the would-be robber fled.
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Accused Bank Robber Drops Name

SALT LAKE CITY - It wouldn't be surprising if Johnny Lee Miller got upset at the mention of his anger-management course. FBI agents seeking a man who took $34,804 from First Utah Bank on New Year's Eve caught up with Miller after finding his course graduation certificate in the bank's vault, said U.S. Attorney Paul Warner. The FBI said Miller slid a gun out from an envelope and demanded of a teller, "Where is your money?" The suspect took the gun with him but left behind the envelope, which also contained the certificate. It was issued by the Utah Department of Corrections.
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Lemon Juice Invisibility Trick

In 1995, McArthur Wheeler walked into two Pittsburgh banks and robbed them in broad daylight, with no visible attempt at disguise. He was arrested later that night, less than an hour after videotapes of him taken from surveillance cameras were broadcast on the 11 o'clock news. When police later showed him the surveillance tapes, Mr. Wheeler stared in incredulity. "But I wore the juice," he mumbled. Apparently, Mr. Wheeler was under the impression that rubbing one's face with lemon juice rendered it invisible to videotape cameras.
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No Way to hold up a Restaurant

WEST MEMPHIS, Arkansas It wasn't hard for police to find the suspect in a cafe robbery: He left in a wheelchair and wrote a threatening note on the back of his personal check. The man made a gesture as though he were hiding a gun under his jacket, police said Tuesday, and the waitress quickly gave him $120. He quickly wheeled out of the restaurant.

Police were able to capture the suspect, but they already had a pretty good idea who he was. The note he allegedly passed to the waitress was on the back of a personalized check bearing his name, address and telephone number. Edward Bohanon, 42, was charged with aggravated robbery.
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Robbery by Phone

BILOXI, MS - The criminal mind is a terrible thing to waste. This time we have a man phoning a Biloxi, MS casino and threatening to shoot people inside the casino unless they immediately delivered $100,000 to his home. He naturally gave the casino personnel his address, presumably expecting an armored truck to make the delivery. Police went to the address given and arrested him on the spot. Presumably he is still waiting for the cash.
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Dunkin' Donuts Robbery

Alberto J. Vasquez did pretty well when donned a mask and robbed a Dunkin' Donuts last week. He and a friend made off with over $1400. But he did some dumb stuff too. Alberto used to work at this same Dunkin' Donuts, and an employee thought he recognized Alberto's voice during the robbery. He was even more certain when Alberto's accomplice called him by his nickname "A.J." Police then followed a trail of coins and footprints leading directly to his apartment building, two doors down from the shop. You have the right to remain stupid...
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Another Stupid Stickup Story

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
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And More Stupid Stickups

A man walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Nobody Move!

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Never Throw a Brick into a Plexi-glass Window

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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Robbing a Burger King in Ypsilanti

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
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British Thieves Bungle Robbery

SOUTH SHIELDS, England - Three armed robbers planning to raid a travel agency, missed their intended target and burst into the optician's office next door, waving a knife and an imitation sawed-off shotgun. Realizing they were in the wrong office, they made a hasty exit and finally made it to the travel agent's. They demanded to know where the safe was, but lost their nerve and, instead of a large haul of travelers checks, they ended up with a whisky bottle full of mostly foreign coins donated to charity. Their getaway car then ran out of gas and they abandoned it, leaving behind obvious clues which quickly led to their arrest.
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Big Mac Rules Foil Aussie Holdup

SYDNEY, Australia - The North Shore Times News crime column reported that a man walked into Brookvale McDonalds at 8:50AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because she said she couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered a Big Mac, the clerk said they weren't available until 10:30am as only the breakfast menu was on offer. Frustrated, the man walked away.
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Ogden Thieves Steal ATM

OGDEN, Utah - A couple of thieves came up with a crafty approach for stealing from an ATM -- they took the whole thing. Ogden police say suspects stole a backhoe, hooked it up to a freestanding ATM, uprooted it and hauled it down the road on Monday. Problem was, they couldn't figure out how to get the money out of it.
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Bank Robber Leaves Business Card

PLANTATION, Florida - Alfred Fiser will check his pockets a little more carefully after he dropped a business card and a blank check during a bank robbery near Fort Lauderdale. Fiser pulled an envelope from his shirt pocket after a teller at the World Savings Bank that he was robbing told him there were no envelopes to put the money in. He then fled with an undetermined amount of money, not noticing the discarded items on the floor. Police used the items to trace Fiser to his home where they arrested him for grand theft and bank robbery.
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Thief Leaves With Underwear Instead of Cash

BERLIN - An unknown man held up a clothes shop in eastern Germany. Unfortunately for the perpetrator there was no cash in the register. That, however, was not enough to stop a determined German with a gun, so he demanded underwear instead. According to the owner of the Clothes Chest store he escaped with about $188 worth of tights and assorted undergarments. Police are puzzled as to how exactly they are supposed to search for the stolen items.
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Gas Station Robbers Run Out of Gas

EAST PEORIA, Ill. - Next time maybe these guys will remember to fill up the getaway car when they go on a crime spree. According to Police Detective Pete Fisher, Ricky Boice, 24, and Steven Gosnell, 42, were caught Wednesday morning after their getaway was foiled by an empty fuel tank. The irony is that they ran out of gas about half a mile away from a gas station they had just robbed. The men walked a half-mile to another station and bought gas to refill the tank. Police said they nabbed the suspects when they returned to the stranded getaway car.
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He Should've Used Duct Tape

SHWANEE, Kansas - A Shawnee convenience store clerk will remember to use duct tape next time he decides to rip off his employers. The 19-year-old clerk at the Texaco Starmart told police early Thursday that a man had called the store and ordered him to tape over the camera lenses. Then the man supposedly walked in, pointed a pistol at the clerk and demanded money. The story would have been believable, had the clerk not used transparent tape to cover the lens of the camera. According to Shawnee Police Lt. Mitch Brim, "It's one of those things where (the videotape) looks a little fuzzy, but I don't see any robbery in there." Within hours, police were writing a report describing how the clerk had staged the crime himself. They released the clerk and planned to send a report to the district attorney's office.
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Carjacking Foiled by Stick-Shift

EDMONTON, Canada - That's a Canuck for you. A teenager had to abandon a car-jacking because he couldn't use the vehicle's manual stick-shift. The young man approached a woman driver in a Toronto parking lot, pulled a knife and told her to get out. But once he got in he was stymied by the manual transmission. After trying unsuccessfully to threaten another person into driving the car for him, he gave up and fled. The suspect was arrested later while trying to hijack yet another car.
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41-Year-Old Mother Holds Up Bank with an Axe

STOCKHOLM - A 41-year-old Swedish mother of five admitted in court that she was panicked after  her Swedish information technology stocks fell heavily and did not know how she would provide for her children. So she robbed a bank in neighboring Finland by threatening staff with an axe. She succeeded in obtaining 20,000 Finnish markka ($2,911) from a cashier but was overpowered outside by a man who had seen her enter the bank wearing a mask and carrying an axe. The woman is currently appealing against a one-year prison sentence to the high court in Rovaniemi, Finland.
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Robber Leaves More Than He Takes

LOUISIANA - There is one bandit in Louisiana who had better give up armed robbery until he learns how to count. The man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15. 
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In Too Much of a Hurry to Read the Sign

SAGINAW, Michigan - Reading directions would have been helpful for a thief who robbed a restaurant in Saginaw, Michigan. The would be robber failed to escape after he pushed with all of his might on a door that was clearly marked "pull." According to police, the man eventually discovered his mistake, but it was already too late.
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A Smattering of Stupid Stickups

A Houston armed robber was finally caught after the eighth time he robbed the same U-Totem store in three months. It seemed he never wore a mask and kept holding up the same clerk.

Another Houston robber wound up wounding himself during a robbery. He accidentally stabbed himself with his own knife when he forgot to turn his knife downward when he leaned over the counter to take money from an open cash register.

Two Michigan robbers charged into a Detroit music store, waving their guns. "Nobody move!" one of the robbers ordered. The second robber then moved - and his startled partner shot him in the head.

For some reason, a blind man in Dallas decided to steal a television set. The burglary seemed to be going smooth up until a neighbor spotted the man when he walked into a tree.

Two men brandishing shotguns ran into a Los Angeles bank and yelled for everyone to lie down, which everyone complied. When there was no one left standing to get the robbers the money, they evidently got confused and ran away.
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I'll Take All Your Cash and a Whopper With Cheese

MANCHESTER, Connecticut - Apparently criminals have to eat too. A robber held up a popular fast food chain at gunpoint then ordered the cook to prepare him a Whopper with extra cheese. The gunman reportedly walked into the fast food shop in Manchester, Connecticut, and went straight to the restroom. Moments later he walked back up front wearing a bandana over his face and brandishing a hand gun. He proceeded to herd the crew into a walk-in freezer and then took the manager to open the safe. With the money in hand, he walked the manager back to the freezer, then order the cook out and ordered him to make him a Whopper with cheese. Police are still trying to find the thief before he runs out of money or the next snack attack occurs.
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Robber Shoots Himself in the End

Paderborn, Germany - Peter Howeler has been dubbed the *Bungling Bandit* after entering a bank carrying a pistol. In his attempt to hide it from the guard on duty, he shoved the firearm into his back pocket, discharging it into his left buttock. After being rushed to a local hospital, he was later charged with attempted robbery.
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Robber Exchanges Hostage for a Sandwich

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin - Only in Wisconsin would a robber give up a hostage in exchange for a chicken sandwich and a soda. A knife-wielding robber stormed into a Milwaukee shop and grabbed a young woman, threatening bodily harm unless staff members handed over some cash. The robber revealed during negotiations with shop worker Jaspal Singh that he was hungry. Singh gave the would-be robber a sandwich and a can of pop in exchange for the girl while discretely dialing the police. The robber sat and ate until the police arrived to arrest him.
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Guns Work Better With the Correct Ammo

WHEELING, West Virginia - Brian Lee Moore, 28, was jailed on charges of attempted murder, attempted robbery and malicious wounding after trying to hold up an adult sex toy shop with a stolen rifle, loaded with the wrong ammunition. Sheriff's deputies say the man stole a rifle from a house in Wheeling, then ripped off a box of shells from a Wal-Mart. Not realizing the shells were the wrong size, he took the gun to an adult sex toy shop where he demanded cash. In the process, investigators say, he pulled the trigger, but the rifle misfired because it had the wrong size shells. The clerk managed to subdue the man and hold him until deputies arrived.
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Bank Robber Captured in Tanning Bed

FORT WORTH, Texas - An alleged bank robber should have his police report "bronzed" after he was caught in a tanning salon. According to Fort Worth Police Department spokesman Duane Paul, the 17-year-old suspect was apprehended in his underwear, ready for a tanning session. The young man reportedly used a toy gun to rob a bank and then ran into the Total Tan salon to elude police. The owner became suspicious because the suspect was out of breath and called police after ushering him into a tanning bed.
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Drinking and Bank Robbery Don't Mix

SAN FRANCISCO, California - The allegedly drunk Scot Alan Beane, 37, set a new standard for criminals when he left a resume and receipt with his name on it at a bank he robbed. Police officers found Beane because the resume listed his previous address, and he has since been charged with robbing four banks totaling over $13,000. He originally left a Western Union money-transfer receipt with his name on it at one bank in March, but his luck ran out during the following bank robbery when he actually left his resume behind. San Francisco police Lt. Bruce Marovich told the Chronicle, "Here's the story -- you shouldn't drink or take drugs and drive. You shouldn't rob banks and do the same thing. That's what he was doing."
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Chalupa Thief Attacks Cops

FORT WORTH, Texas. Now here's a Taco Bell promotion in the making. Lakount Maddox, 17, allegedly tried to hold up a Taco Bell restaurant in Fort Worth shortly after midnight. Employees claim the young man was riding a bicycle when he apparently brandished a gun and demanded the cash in the register. He also ordered a chalupa to go. What he didn't know was while one restaurant worker prepared his meal, another employee was calling 911. When the police arrived, Maddox was still waiting outside the window waiting for his food. He then charged at the officers on his bicycle and waved what was later identified as a toy pellet gun at them. He was shot twice, one in the arm and once in the leg, and was taken to a local hospital where he was listed in good condition.


Coffee Break Trips Up Mobile Phone Store Robbers

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A gang of four men responsible for 20 cases of motorcycle theft, rape, and armed robbery were caught taking a coffee break this week immediately after robbing a mobile phone shop. The foursome held two employees at gunpoint and took an unsubstantiated number of phones and cash before escaping. But they didn't get too far. The owner was about to fill out a police report when he noticed the thieves' car at a nearby drink stall. The owner contacted the police, and they arrested the four without any problems. Fleeing the scene did not make it high on the priority list for this foursome.
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British Bank Robber Leaves 'em in Stitches

MANCHESTER, England - Tellers at the Royal Bank of Scotland noticed one conspicuous customer wearing a fur hat and heavy coat on one of the hottest days of the year. His odd attire was explained when he robbed one of the tellers getting away with $8,500. He had just made it outside to his getaway vehicle, a bicycle, when a die pack hidden among the cash exploded, knocking him off the bike. As he scooped up the money, his face became visible to the bank's security camera. He persisted, though, and started off on the bike again, only to hit a curb, fall and drop more of the money. He ended up dropping two-thirds of the money behind trying to make the getaway. One officer said, "His actions once he left the bank were bordering on the comical."
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Handicapped Parking Zone A Bad Idea

SPOTSYLVANIA COUNTY, Va - A restaurant worker in Virginia confronted two able-bodied men who she saw parked in a handicapped spot. The driver rejected the woman's request to move the vehicle and even cursed her. She wrote down a description of the car and its license number in retaliation. It just so happens that at the same time, the men's partner was robbing the restaurant where the lady worked. With the dedicated employee's information, police were able to catch the robbers. A sheriff's spokesperson said, "If he had just been polite and moved the car, she probably wouldn't have paid any further attention to them."
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Holding Up a Bank for... A Big Mac and Cigarettes

LOWELL, Indiana - A gunman identified by police as David Potchen, 40, entered Centier Bank early in the morning this week with odd intentions. Sheriff Miguel Arredondo said, "He had just come in with the shotgun and told them to call the police and they were going to be there for a while." Potchen took nine people hostage, but began releasing them in ones and twos after the police delivered his real desire: Big Macs and cigarettes. The police brought these goods to him around 10:00 a.m., and the ordeal was over just after noon. No one was injured, and police are still unsure about what prompted the event.

Emailed to us from a Lowell resident -- the following explanation:
the man worked at Thrall Car Manufacturing in Chicago Heights. the plant shut down with 2 weeks notice to people that had worked there since they day they turned 18. this was their lives they lost.  this man hadnt eaten in a week, lost his job, and had lost his family a few months prior. i dont think calling his act stupid is appropriate.  what would you have done with no money, family, food or promising outlook? he never tried to hurt anyone.

well, thats my 2 cents. i hope you have a nice day.

a lowell resident

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Gimme The Money or I'll... Hit You With This Ravioli

HARRISON TOWNSHIP, Pennsylvania - In what sounds like a bad advertisement for canned pasta, a man tried to rob a shop in Pennsylvania with a can of ravioli. Police say Thomas Rokosky allegedly walked into the corner store in Harrison Townshop and showed the clerk he had something wrapped in his shirt. He demanded money, but walked out empty handed when the shop girl panicked. Then Rokosky proceeded to try and rob a chemists shop, but was arrested. He has been charged with two attempted robberies.
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Robbers Get Away With Empty Cash Box

SOUTH AFRICA - A would-be group of robbers tried to hold up a security van, but escaped with nothing but an empty cash box. After they ambushed the van, they tried breaking in with everything possible from picks and hammers to crowbars. Though there were three cash boxes, they chose the only empty one. Pretoria police indicate that the robbers had crashed into a Fidelity Guard van and another car stopped behind it to enclose it in. The estimated 15 robbers were able to flea the scene, and the lone empty box was found nearby.
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Underpants Disguise Inadequate to Protect Fool

OSLO, Norway - A drunken man thought he had the perfect plan to rob a nearby post office. The 47-year-old robber pulled a pair of underpants over his face and passed the post office clerk a note saying "This is a robbery." Unfortunately, he also wrote his wife's name and personal details on the back of the demand note. Not too slick. Police awakened him a couple days later at his house. The man claims to not remember robbing the post office, but thought he may have done something stupid when he woke up with a large sum of money and saw a picture of a man in the local newspaper wearing underpants on his head.
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Remember: Don't Hold Up Your Own Bank

VIENNA, Austria - If you are stupid enough to rob a bank, one would think to not hold up your personal bank where you are a customer. This line of thinking didn't stop a 28-year-old Austrian man, though. He robbed the Salzburg branch of Austrian Savings Bank where he was a known customer. Nonetheless, he held up the bank at gunpoint and escaped with $20,070. A bank employee recognized him and police soon detained him at a local bar. The robber had already had five bottles of celebratory champagne, but did not resist arrest.
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Robber Calls Police on Himself - On Purpose

NORWAY - A 27-year-old would-be robber panicked in the middle of a heist. He had intended to blow up Gensidige NOR's cash machine, but realized he had left incriminating clues to his identity. So, he called the police on himself. They obligingly agreed to meet him at the bank. Trond Aune of Romerike police said, "He left revealing 'trade marks' at the scene of the crime. He was also worried about the dynamite he'd left behind." Police blocked off the area while they waited for bomb experts to arrive at the scene. The man was arrested.
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Convenience Store Robbery Foiled by Clerk

SPARTANBURG, S.C. - A man armed with a gun was foiled in his attempt to rob a convenience store by a quick-thinking clerk. Kim Meredith, 34, entered the Li'L Cricket and held the clerk, Lee Johnson, a  gunpoint. While Meredith sacked the store's video poker machines for $720 a sheriff's deputy responding to a silent alarm approached the front door. Johnson asked if he could go outside to tell the deputy the store was closed and Meredith agreed. Johnson bolted the instant he hit the door and Meredith was arrested by the deputy moments later.
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Reporting the Shotgun Stolen Was His Mistake

VISTA, San Diego - A 19-year-old Valley Center Man was sentenced to eight years in prison Wednesday when he reported that his father's shotgun had been stolen. Evan Williams was reportedly convicted earlier this year when witnesses at the Corral Liquor Store in Valley Center testified that he had come into the store carrying a shotgun and wearing a long coat and ski mask. After handing over $100 to Williams, the clerk at the store allegedly grabbed the barrel of the gun and pulled it away. Meanwhile, he ripped the mask and the coat off Williams, who then ran off. Williams made a huge blunder the next day when be reported the theft of his father's shotgun, which detectives already had in possession from the robbery.
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Hiding in Plain View Doesn't Always Work

LONGVIEW, Washington - Edmond D. Alexander, 54, believed that the best place to hide is in plain view. After pulling his caper he purchased a beer at a convenience store and sat down on a park bench about 100 yards from the bank, hoping his casual attitude would throw off suspicion. It didn't work. Sgt. Ed Jones saw that Alexander fit the description of the bank robber and walked across the street to arrest him. According to Jones, the robber was "pretty blasť about the whole thing." Jones went on to explain that Alexander held up a teller at the U.S. Bank by putting his hand in his sweater pocket and pointing his finger at her. The money was found on Alexander's person when they arrested him.
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Bank Robber Rats Himself Out on Stage

MACON, Georgia - Glenn Matthews committed the perfect crimes: he robbed three banks in Macon, Georgia, between December 1999 and January this year and got away with them. Until he told on himself, that is. The 43-year-old Georgian performed at the Macon Comedy Cafe in front of 300 people and told them he was the town's so-called "bicycle bandit." He named himself this after explaining the choice of getaway vehicle he used in the robberies. Though the audience laughed at the confession and thought it was all part of the act, club owner Mike Smith, a former police officer, knew Matthews was serious. Smith told the Macon District Court, "The audience really burst out laughing. They thought it was part of the skit. I knew the guy was serious." Matthews was arrested shortly thereafter.
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Wait... You've Got My Description Wrong

DES MOINES, Iowa - A 34-year-old Iowa man was arrested after he returned to the shop he just robbed and corrected the description the cashier was giving the police. Cashier Harpal Singh of the Des Moines shop was right in the middle of giving a description of alleged robber Steven Hebron to police over the phone, but had some of his features mixed up. Hebron, who had returned to get the wallet he dropped in the store, stopped her and told her the correct attributes. Police arrived within minutes to arrest him.
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Never Hold up a Bank Where You Just Opened an Account

NEW YORK - The winner of the most stupid criminal of the week goes to...Jack Schreiner of New York! The 30-year-old pulled a smooth move when he wanted to open a bank account - at the same bank he robbed four days prior. Schreiner reportedly walked away with almost $8000 from the Chase Manhattan bank in New York. When he returned to open the account, one of the clerks recognized him from one of the surveillance tapes she had seen and notified security.
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Robbers Leave After Being Completely Ignored

BELGIUM - A gang of three would-be armed robbers entered a bowling hall with high hopes of a good score. The hall was so busy and packed with customers that no one even heard the robbers demands. As they shouted a demand for money from the till and waved their rifles, employees kept serving the customers and filling drinks. One server said, "We were so busy...we had really no time to find out what they wanted. It was only after they left and one visitor asked why they were wearing weapons, we realized they were robbers."
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Write Legibly

HALLANDALE BEACH, Florida - When a would-be bank robber approached a bank teller, he expected her to fork over all her money. Instead, she didn't even realize he was trying to rob her. She couldn't read his handwritten note demanding cash. The teller then asked the customer what he wanted, but "He started speaking in English and Spanish, and she didn't understand. When this started a commotion, he panicked and quickly walked out of the bank and didn't get any money," said Police Capt. Chris Hock. The man didn't give up, though. He tried his luck at another bank, where he struck gold with a more carefully written note. This time the teller gave him the cash.
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Robbers Thwarted by 76-Year-Old Vet

STOCKTON, Calif. - When two men held up a Bank of America branch in Stockton, California, they didn't plan on having to face Edward Christopher. The 76-year-old WWII vet saw the men taking money from a teller and moved to stop them. He didn't take any guff from the Krauts and he wasn't about to take it from these two whipper-snappers. The three men struggled and Christopher managed to rip one bag away from the thieves before they fled with an undisclosed amount of cash. In an interview Christopher said he's not particularly fond of police, reporters or even Bank of America, but he likes bank robbers even less. "I was trained to kill," he said, "and I've never been deprogrammed."
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He Should Have Stayed With Plumbing

CLAIRTON, Pittsburgh - A plumber in Pittsburgh must have been sniffing too much pipe dope when he decided to rob a string of convenience stores. Robert Peter Nelson, 21, might have gotten away with it, had the name "Nelson Plumbing and Heating" not been plastered in big bold letters along with the telephone number on his van. Witnesses at the three convenience stores described the van with the telephone number for incredulous police, who arrested Nelson as he got out of the van in Clairton on Sunday. An officer was familiar with where the van was usually parked.
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 Holding Up a Bank for His Own Money

TANDIL, Argentina - An Argentinian man robbed a bank for his own money. As a regular customer, he tried withdrawing money to pay for medicine, but was refused due to Argentina's economic crisis. Banks are not allowing customers to withdraw large sums of money at one time. He didn't give up, though. The customer visited the bank a second time, this time with a grenade. Bank employees then called the head office in Buenos Aires for permission to give the man money from his savings account. After several threats from the robber, they relinquished the cash. The bank clerks immediately called the police, and the suspect was arrested. He may later face charges of extortion and possessing military equipment, but is under house arrest for now. 
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30 Minutes Too Long to Wait for Pizza

CANADA - A hungry man nonchalantly phoned in his dinner order to a local pizza restaurant, but became enraged when they told him delivery would take a half hour. He couldn't wait that long for his extra large vegetarian pizza, so he showed up at the Homemade Steak and Pizza 20 minutes later with a handgun and two accomplices. He held the staff at gunpoint and demanded they immediately make him the pizza. The 26-year-old robber and two helpers kept the employees on pins and needles for an hour until they finished eating. Police have charged the three with robbery, uttering threats, unlawful confinement and weapons offenses, and they report that two employees and a customer were hit on the head during the escapade. A spokesperson for the police said, "We've seen some bizarre things happen, but this one tops the list. It certainly had our investigators baffled."
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A Bank Robbing Spree Will Cheer You Up

TURIN, Italy - Breaking up is hard to do for most people. Depression is usually inevitable. Some people eat to combat the lonely feeling, others find another person on the rebound. But that would not suffice for this 37-year-old Italian man. He decided to rob 21 banks in the last 10 months because he was looking for kicks after his wife dumped him. "I suddenly found out that the only way to escape from the tunnel of depression was to have very strong experiences, and robbing banks really gave me peace of mind," the Turin man explained to police. He admitted hiding outside the bank after each robbery to see the police arriving, for it gave him "a great thrill, comparable to being with a woman." The man has been charged with robbery and is waiting to be sentenced.  
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Employing the 'Evil Twin' Excuse Fails

FRANKLINTON, Louisiana - When William Dykes recently robbed a convenience store, he already had his line of defense worked out - he would blame it on his evil twin. Dykes was charged with burglary and possession of stolen property after he was caught with items such as cigars, alcohol, and cigarettes from the store. He claimed innocence, blaming the robbery on his evil twin. James Hartman from the sheriff's department said, "When confronted with the photographs, Dykes said the perpetrator is his evil twin brother who follows him around, dresses in identical clothes and commits crimes using his identity." Dykes' sister dismissed all claims. She admitted they have another brother, but "he's not a twin, and he's certainly not evil," she said. 
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Robber Forgets Mask, Turns Himself In

JAPAN - An unemployed 21-year-old man attempted to rob a shop in Hitachi, Japan, and held the shop's owner at knife point while demanding cash. Right after store owner Toshiyuki Otsu handed him some money, the robber realized he forgot to wear a mask. Game over. He knew he was recognizable and asked Otsu to call the police. The robber ratted on himself, telling police over the phone that he was in the middle of robbing the shop. "I realized that I wasn't wearing a mask and I'd be easily recognized if the crime was reported to the police," he said. The robber is now in police custody and has been charged appropriately.

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Man Robs His Own Bank

MOUNT LAUREL, New Jersey - Another stupid criminal bites the dust. When high school history teacher Alvin Jumpp got behind on bill payments and owed $2,560 in late taxes, did he work overtime? Did he take a second job? Or perhaps do odd jobs for extra cash? He did none of these. Instead, Jumpp robbed his own bank. Dressed in black with white gauze covering his face, Jumpp robbed the Farmers & Mechanics Bank branch in Mount Laurel in April. While waving a handgun wrapped in either plastic or paper according to the FBI, he told two tellers "You have 10 seconds." He left the bank with over $10,000, but one of the tellers recognized Jumpp's low, raspy voice. Shortly following the robbery, Jumpp deposited some of the money in his other Farmers & Mechanics accounts, paid his late taxes, and even made an advance payment on the next quarter's bill. The FBI discovered the white gauze mask at Jumpp's house later that week, and one of his bank deposits included "bait bills." Jumpp has been arrested, and a bail hearing was scheduled this week.
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Bank Robber is Locked in Vault

JAPAN - A man tried to pull off the classic bank robbery, but ended up locked in the vault. The man, who was thought to be Brazilian, was armed with a knife and demanded cash from tellers at the UFJ bank in Tsu on Honshu Island. The tellers placated the robber and took him to the bank vault. That's when they turned the tables on the buffoon and were able to lock him inside. Employees immediately called the police and told them the robber had "dropped his guard." No one was injured. Except for the robber's ego.
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Robber Busted Retrieving Car Keys

ITALY - A 45-year-old man in Italy thought he had gotten away with the perfect robbery. He successfully held up employees at a post office in Bruno d'Asti in northern Italy and left with a bag of money. He didn't get very far, though - he left his car keys on a staff member's till. He hurriedly returned to the post office, but employees had already locked the door and refused to let him in. An employee described the scene, "He was desperate and almost started crying, begging us to open the door, when police finally arrived." The robber was arrested on the spot and is prison awaiting a court hearing.
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Not the Cab Ride They Had in Mind

MONTVILLE, Connecticut - Cab drivers often meet...colorful characters, and Wednesday night was no different for Yellow Cab driver Dan Ricketts. He picked up two people, Gloria Smith, 49, and Reginald Corey, 44, from Dunkin' Donuts, and the patrons asked him to pick up their friend from a nearby gas station. Ricketts became alarmed when their "friend", Calvin Branham, 33, jumped in the cab and yelled "Go, go go!" instead of giving a new destination. "I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach," said the driver. Fortunately, Ricketts heard a startling announcement on his police scanner. Police indicated there had just been a robbery at a gas station and that a cab had been seen in the area, but the three customers didn't hear it. Ricketts cleverly drove the three stooges to the police station, where Smith and Corey were easily arrested. Branham managed to escape but was arrested after a half-hour chase through the woods. They are now being held on several charges.
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2nd Time is No More Successful Than First

ILLINOIS - A 42-year-old, Wood River, Ill. man was sentenced to 12 years in prison after robbing the same pharmacy he hit 20 years ago. Robert Crosno's 1982 robbery attempt also failed. He served six years in prison. The kicker? The clerk he held-up in 1982, Vicki Meyers, still worked at the pharmacy this time around. Meyers is not happy Crosno could be paroled after six years. "In six years I won't be retired yet," she said.
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Bank Robber Asks for Funds Transfer

STOCKHOLM - A 47-year-old man walks into the post office of a small town and tells the cashier he is armed and demands a bag of cash -- plus 350 million crowns ($37.2 million) to be paid into his bank account. He then hands her his account number on a piece of paper. Sounds like a joke? Oh, but it's not. This happened in a small town in southern Sweden. Police had no problem finding the robber and arresting him.
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Dog Poop Trips Up Bank Robber

SYDNEY - During an attempted robbery in Queensland, Australia, a pile of dog poop, believe it or not, aided police in the capture of the suspect. According to extensive forensic research, police were able to match a pattern of excrement located at the crime scene with that found on the shoe of 26-year-old Jacob Smith. The fecal findings simplified the case a great deal for local authorities. "It's not rocket science. It's as plain as the ***t on your shoe," quoted police sergeant Alan Piper. After admitted smell tests were performed, authorities were able to sniff out the perpetrator.
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A Very Painful Holdup

NORTH MIAMI BEACH, Florida - In a valiant effort, a bank robber in Florida made off with a bag of cash after a couple of painful mishaps. Not only did the man accidentally shoot himself with the semi-automatic pistol that he threatened the cashier with, he was then hit by a van as he fled the bank. The man was helped out from underneath the vehicle by unsuspecting pedestrians and proceeded to escape in an awaiting getaway car. Police are now hot on the case in search of a rich man with a bullet wound and tire tracks.
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Burlap Bandit Bagged

BERLIN, Germany - It can be quite difficult to rob a bank, as well as performing many other tasks, without being able to see. The criminal who is now deemed "Germany's dumbest criminal" walked into a bank armed with a plastic knife and a toy pistol. The kicker was the burlap bag he put over his dead to disguise himself. Seeing as how the plan probably wouldn't have worked in the first place, the attempted robber forgot to put holes in the bag for him to see. After bumping into bank customers on his way to the teller, he lifted up the front of his mask to look at the teller and demand money. The security camera got a clear shot of his face and he was soon arrested. It's no surprise that the man didn't see this coming in his plans.
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Finger-Lickin' Stupid

PHILADELPHIA, Penn. - They always say that only the dumbest criminals return to the scene of the crime. Such was the case of a 19-year-old who tried to rob a Kentucky Fried Chicken in Philadelphia. Aaron Bell walked into the restaurant without a mask or any disguise to hide his face and asked for money that was locked securely in the time-locked safe. The most incriminating evidence against the young man was that the manager knew who he was: his employee. After trying to rob his own employer, Bell came back into work three days later as if nothing had happened. His sentencing is scheduled for January 15.
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Plumber's Van Gives Him Away

CLAIRTON, Pittsburgh - A plumber in Pittsburgh must have been sniffing too much pipe dope when he decided to rob a string of convenience stores. Robert Peter Nelson, 21, might have gotten away with it, had the name "Nelson Plumbing and Heating" not been plastered in big bold letters along with the telephone number on his van. Witnesses at the three convenience stores described the van with the telephone number for incredulous police, who arrested Nelson as he got out of the van in Clairton on Sunday. An officer was familiar with where the van was usually parked.
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It's a Banana and I'm Not Afraid to Use It

LYNCHBURG, Va. - After putting a banana in his pocket like a gun, Patrick Jason Mann entered a 7-Eleven store and robbed the clerk of a whole $10. Mann blamed his banana shenanigans and a previous burglary on his crack cocaine addiction. Along with forcing him to fork over the ten bucks and the cash from his other robbery, the court ordered Mann to serve 18 months in prison and undergo substance abuse treatment.
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A Bad Place to Stash the Cash

COLUMBUS, Ohio - Here's a tip for all you would-be bank robbers: If you plan on carrying a buttload of money after sticking up a teller, you might want to have a bag or sack handy. As 40-year-old John Gladney found out the hard way, shoving stolen money into your pants carries serious consequences. A security device was planted in a stack of cash that the thief received that was set to explode and release a dye to stain the bills and the criminal. Long story short, the bundle of money was a little too close to his kibbles 'n bits when the dye pack exploded, leaving him in noticeable pain as he walked down the street. Police saw the crippled crook and nabbed him almost immediately.
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Half-Pint Robber

ANNAPOLIS, MD - There aren't too many more bizarre robberies than when someone tries to rob a video store. Oh, that is unless they're trying to threaten employees with a plastic gun. Wait, and if the burglar is seven years old. The four-foot tall, 70-pound criminal stuck up a Hollywood Video store manager with a fake gun and refused to back down from police once they arrived. When questioned by an officer after the incident, the boy continued to maintain that he had intended to rob the store. However, the plan didn't work out for the little guy as he forgot one of the main steps in attempting a robbery: demanding money.
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Getaway Plan Fails When Car Won't Start

CLEVELAND, OH. - After his designated getaway vehicle wouldn't get going, the crook tried stealing a car in the bank's parking lot. After that plan failed, an attempt was made to nab the car keys from a nearby residence. No such luck there either. Officers and area residents finally nailed him after they chased him onto a busy interstate, where he tried to flag down cars and trucks. If he had gotten away, do you think he'd have used the money to fix the car?
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Using a Taxi as a Getaway Car

ST. LOUIS - A St. Louis cab driver unknowingly helped a passenger rob a bank on Monday. Taxi driver Mohammad Sheikh picked up a man wearing a red jacket and sunglasses Monday, who directed him to the Commerce Bank and asked Sheikh to wait while he got money. Ten minutes passed with the meter running, and Sheikh said he had become impatient. The driver walked into the bank, where he saw a teller hand the man a bulging green bag. The man walked back to the taxi and said he wanted to go to a car dealership. Sheikh said he thought the man was wealthy until three police officers rushed the taxi with shotguns. The unidentified 35-year-old robber was arrested. Sheikh lost the rest of the day answering police questions as well as his $10.45 fare. In the future, he says he'll be pickier about which fares he accepts.
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Handgun Definition Misinterpreted

NEILLSVILLE, Wis. - As if putting your thumb and forefinger in your pocket to simulate a concealed weapon weren't bad enough, this guy forgot the whole 'pocket' part. The masked man allegedly tried to rob the place by forming his gloved hand into the shape of a gun. A witness said the suspect didn't bother to hide his pointed finger under a jacket or anything. Not fooling the pharmacy owner one bit, he bravely wrestled with the suspect and ripped off his mask. The accused would-be robber ran away and was arrested a short time later. After having his mask torn off, he was easy to identify.
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Naked Burglar Busted

LARGO - Donald E. Whitney, 53, was arrested on charges of burglary and exposure of sexual organs after an incident at a Largo bank last Thursday. Whitney walked into the bank, took off his pants and underwear in the bathroom, sauntered into the lobby and fell asleep naked on a couch. After removing his pants, underwear and socks in the washroom, he went into the lobby, stood in front of a wall and exposed himself to everyone in the bank. He then moved into a private kitchen area and lay on a couch, where he passed out while still naked. When police attempted to wake him, he said, "This is the bar. Go away." He was held at the Pinellas County Jail in lieu of $10,500 bail until a judge ordered him released on his own recognizance. Whitney is also on probation for a 2001 battery charge.
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Tired Feet Trip Up Bank Robber

A robber who hit two Miami banks might have gotten away with his crimes if his feet hadn't gotten sore. After wandering out of his second bank robbery in 20 minutes, police said Daniel Gallagher stopped to rest his tired feet. He plopped down on a patch of grass to relax, unfortunately, his lounging spot was within sight of a police officer questioning a witness. "His feet were tired," said Detective Delrish Moss. "He's a bank robber. I didn't say he was brilliant." Police say that during his hold-ups, Gallagher threatened to detonate a bomb unless the teller handed over $100. It was later discovered his "explosive" was a cold can of Miller beer in a bag. When he was taken to police headquarters, he revealed his motive, saying, "I'm ugly and I smell bad, so I can't get a job. I gotta get money somehow."
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Always Wear the Right Mask

MODESTO, Calif. - A California bank robber apparently forgot the No. 1 safety rule for wearing masks -- there simply have to be eyeholes to be successful. Bank tellers and detectives alike are still smiling at the image of the thief who walked into the Oak Valley Community Bank in Modesto this week wearing a checkered flannel cloth over his face secured by a hat. Detective Tom Blake said the man cautiously lifted a part of the cloth to see where he was walking, demanded money and began his retreat. "But he forgets which side the door hinges were on," Blake told the Modesto Bee. "He walks into the steel door frame, bangs his head into the frame and knocks his hat off. He backs up a bit, still holding onto his hood, and shuffles out the door." The thief did escape, and police are looking for a skinny man with a raspy voice, a checkered cloth, long-sleeved pink shirt, white gardening gloves and a goose-egg on his forehead.
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Blind Stick-Up Foiled by Cops

BUENOS AIRES - An early morning street hold-up was foiled by police on Thursday morning - and they were shocked to discover that one of the assailants was blind. "When a police car arrived at the scene, the pair took off running. What caught the attention of the officer was that they were running holding hands," Police Commissioner Luis Ceballos said. "On apprehending them, the officer found one of them was blind." Police are still trying to comprehend what the blind robber was thinking. They retrieved a fire-arm from the scene, and are not clear which of the pair was holding the gun. "We don't know what they were thinking," Ceballos said. "This is the first time I've seen anything like this in my life."

 

 


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